Monday, April 9, 2012

Perfection is overrated...

We'd been talking about it all week. That's what happens when you have too much time and not enough people to gossip about. Add to that, the chocolate has been scant (part of a ploy to lose the awful spud induced blobs that have mysteriously coated my abdomen and backside over the last gluten free six months... I'm still coming to terms with bread-less days).

And then this past weekend I came across this article. Apparently, clothing brand Austin Reed conducted a poll trying to find out what women want in the perfect man... someone akin to TV Presenter Steve Jones. 
Now I'm not completely averse to Mr. Jones and his kind, I just think that having certain expectations is setting yourself up for failure. My Mr. Jones certainly won't have all the characteristics listed in the publication - not because I don't want him to but because that's life. Not every man can be Steve Jones, in much the same way that not every woman can be Candice Swanepoel.

So according to 2000 female respondents, the perfect man is...

1. Six feet tall - Really? I never really put much thought into height but at 5'2 myself, that's quite tall.

2. Muscly, toned and athletic - *GRIN* although realistically speaking, I wouldn't expect it.

3. Brown eyes - Personally, I don't care. As long as he can see ME, it's all good.

4. Short dark hair - Well again I don't care. As long as he doesn't take longer to do his hair, than I take to do mine.

5. Smart dress sense - "Smart" is relative... as long as he's not Gay about it.

6. A beer / lager drinker - According to the survey, men who drink wine or spirits are a no-no. I'd prefer good old H2O.

7. Non smoker - I have to agree. Although a "smoker" would not be a deal breaker.

8. Wears smart jeans, shirt and a - This is what I call being Gay about it.

9. V-neck jumper - No man should put too much thought into his wardrobe. It should just happen naturally.

10. Gets ready in 17 minutes - Yeah, sounds good.

11. Stylish - More Gay-ness

12. Wants a family - This is a big one for me. Since I don't really want any kids, I don't know how this would fare with a potential partner. Although, I'm sure if I had the right partner, I might be open to the idea.

13. Earns £48,000 a year - That's roughly ZAR600 000 a year. Not a requirement for me. I don't care much about money but I love travelling and have a very long bucket list to go through... so we should at least be able to afford to do that a couple of times a year. 

14. Loves shopping - Are we still talking about heterosexual men?

15. Eats meat - I'm not particular about this. As an adult, he can eat whatever he likes as long as it doesn't include other women.

16. Clean shaven - My personal preference, although I wouldn't mind stubble. However, moustaches went out around the same time Tom Selleck shot the final episode of Magnum PI.

17. Smooth chest - Don't really care, as long as he doesn't look like a monkey.

18. Watches soaps - Hahahahahahaha. Really? Hahahahaha. I want to beat some testosterone into those men who watch soaps willingly.

19. Enjoys watching football - I don't really mind if he wants to watch sport - but it has to be for the right reason. The only reason I ever watched football was for Michael Ballack's thighs. If he's watching football for the same reason, we have a problem.

20. Drives an Audi - This surprised me. I'm partial to Audi myself as a personal preference but I never judged a man based on what car he drove. Driving an Audi won't make your shlong any bigger so I don't get why it's a necessity.

21. Educated to degree level - This is only important for conversation purposes. However, keeping in mind that not every graduate can hold a conversation.

22. Earns more than you - This doesn't matter if we adhere to the old adage "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine". Hahahaha. Seriously though, it shouldn't matter if we're working together towards the same goals.

23. Jokes around and has a laugh - Absolutely ESSENTIAL. Non negotiable. Too "serious" is a Deal Breaker.

24. Sensitive when you are upset - This man does not exist.

25. Tells you he loves you only when he means it - This would be greatly appreciated by most females. If only men like these existed.

26. Admits it when he looks at other women - Hahahahaha. This man doesn't exist either.

27. Holds a driving licence - Non negotiable. Unless there's a valid reason.

28. Can swim - Doesn't matter unless we're on the Titanic or the Costa Concordia.

29. Can change a tyre - Not essential but would be nice if he could.

30. Rings mum regularly - His relationship with his mother is his business, whether he calls her or not.

I can think of a few other details I'd add to this list...

23 comments:

  1. Yes, he's got the saturnine Dracula look that women are supposed to like. The fear of being bitten on the neck must be a great turn-on.

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  2. Interesting list.

    Your "no such man exists" answers were hilarious!

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  3. Perfection, Steve Jones, pfft! Note to self - must not "lol"!!

    Stupid metrosexual men. Why can't they go back to being real men??

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  4. And here I thought my list of requirements was long and detailed! Love that 17-minutes number!

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  5. my most important requirement here is probably number 7. i dont like kissing an ash tray.
    and i dont fancy men with long hair too :)

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  6. That list sounds like an impossibility! Sheesh!

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  7. Well, now, let's see. I can tick 1-5, 7, 10, 13, 16, 17, 21-30.
    I will never be able to tick:
    12. I'm not Dad material.
    14. I buy clothes in 10 minutes.
    20. Audi = boring
    What do you think... not too bad? ;)

    I can tell you one thing... my list is way shorter.

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  8. @Jaya J - That's exactly what I tell people who smoke. In those exact same words hahaha!

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  9. For some reason I read this post thinking 'Steve Jobs' instead of 'Steve Jones'. I have no idea why. That being said, I was expecting 'Must have invented either an iPod, iPhone or iPad" on the list

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  10. Azra, You are a tad too sceptical - even cynical - about men. Although spot on elsewhere.

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  11. Turns out that it's not always a good idea to blog when you're heavily medicated, quite late at night. Errors in the US Dollar and Euro conversions have been deleted from the post.

    GB
    I really don't think he's all that. He's a 5 out of 10 in my book. Minus 5 for being gay.

    ipenka
    It's only funny because it's true ;D

    SI
    I'm also wary of Metrosexual men. Most of them don't have scrotums. Crass but true.

    Roving Retorter
    If only women could get done in 17 minutes... I'm sure there'd be 25% less divorces in the world.

    Jaya
    I don't like kissing an astray either. I'm not writing it off completely because some people can be rehabilitated.

    Prixie
    It seems that British women know EXACTLY the kind of man they want lol!

    RCB
    Now you're just bragging LOL. You should do your list. It would be interesting to see how the fairer sex measures up...

    Kaloo
    Your warped perception is akin to a Freudian slip. I'm guessing you'd rather play with an iPad or iPhone than look at gay dudes like Steve Jones.

    Colin
    I am... to my own detriment. Maybe one day I'll meet someone who doesn't give me any reason to be sceptical or cynical :)

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  12. Who are these 2000 women? If a man watches soaps, it's because the women there are 'hot' (actual words from a male colleague regarding telenovelas)

    Some things are ok, but some are just weird (especially the ones that state preference of one physical attribute over another)

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  13. See.... it's NEVER good enough! A woman shows a guy an endless list, he puts in the effort to actually read it and tick the requirements that say ME (or I if you insist, Teach..), and now I'm brrrrrrrrragging? Sigh. Its.never.good.enough

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  14. No 20 just killed me :) LoL.

    This list is outdated! The Ladies need to be a more realistic!

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  15. Terra Shield
    I'd also like to know who are these daft women. Anyway, our local soaps are filled with not so pretty people, so I have no idea why people are hooked.

    RCB
    Well, I appreciate the effort but really who benefits here besides Angie?

    Princess
    I agree, the list needs to be updated. I have quite a few things I'd add.

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  16. Holy **** that's quite a list. I can narrow it down to 10 or less and still be deliriously happy! :) I used to think age was making me less tolerant, but I think it might actually be making me more accepting!

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  17. You go for H2O, sweetie. These women seem to go for a modernised C3PO.

    The words "sex" and "bed" are absent.

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  18. I suppose you've got a point there. Now all I need to do is write another he said, she said. I will do my list..... soon. You've obviously pressed the right button.

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  19. Angie
    The list is according to British women. I'd be happy with just 3 things on that list :)

    Candide
    Haha - I'm sure this is a censored list. Seems like the surveyors left out a few details ;P

    RCB
    I shall wait... hopefully not in vain :D

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  20. I always love catching up on your posts! This one almost had me squirt beer out of my nose - TWICE! I had to read your #24 to D-Man, and he bust out laughing because I was shrieking, "It's sooo true! I'm not the only one who thinks this!" Hahaha. :)

    Gosh, girlie!! When do we get to meet up for coffee?!

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  21. @ RCB List can be short.

    My ideal woman: the one who presses the right buttons. Nuff said.

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  22. Michi
    I really do hope soon... like in the next few months. We'll see :)

    Candide
    It's as simple as that, yes :)

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