Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Who Makes Up This Shit

So my cousin sent me this chain mail because she’s a superstitious cow (but hey “I don’t tell her what flavour jam to eat outta her bosses ass” so I’m not judging). It was titled “25 things girls don’t realize about guys” and as I read through it I thought to myself, what bullshit. When this kind of crap is circulated, it’s dangerous because it validates and perpetuates false perceptions from people who are already retarded and delusional – it’s like giving a crack addict cocaine labeled as Vitamin C. My comments in green.

You HAVE to read all of them and if you don't your going to come across with problems on your relationship for the next month! (You sound drunk, I can’t take you seriously)

1. Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.... (Please. The only thing he’s thinking about is getting laid)

2. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try. (Yeah I’m sure it hurts all of the 2 seconds it takes to let you go)

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. (Er, you mean boobs)

4. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. (Duh, even if he doesn’t like you he wants to be the only one, they’re jealous and selfish like that)

5. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. (Only if his Momma still breast-feeds his pansy ass and he’s an insecure overgrown boy seeking approval)

6. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are. (Ok, now you’re just lying. Rosebank or Sandton on a Saturday night…the amount of slutty plastic girls is directly proportional to the amount of tongues dragging on the floor)

7. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out. (No.1 Guys don’t think, unless its about sex – so you’re more likely to get freshly squeezed orange juice from a rock then to get an assumption. No.2. Unless you tell him to his face, he’ll never “assume he did something wrong” out of his own free will)

8. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice. (Not the guys I speak to)

9. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. (So he must be crushing on Harry in Accounts because he calls him ‘Porky’ every 2 minutes)

10. Guys love you more than you love them. (Bwahahahahaha, I’d like to meet this guy)

11. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot. (Either that or he’s gay – “its gorgeous darhling”)

12. No matter how much guys talk about whats on the outside, personality is key. (I might just believe you)

13. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant but some know that it was just prolly nothing so if it is supposed to mean something then make that meaning noticable so that they can react on the spot. (Didn’t we cover this in #7? This guy sounds more and more like a girl)

14. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl. (Because he'll wonder if it ruined his chances of getting laid)

15. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something (You’re right, he’s really really thinking about getting laid)

16. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that. (It’s because he never got laid)

17. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me” (No, he’s actually saying 'fuck off' but he's trying to be kind because he still has hope that he'll get laid)

18. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. (Because we women know that those bouts of wisdom come around as often as Haleys comet)

19. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. (Yeah, he’s undressing you with his mind. Stab him in the eye, it will create a distraction)

20. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them. (That’s the slutty clothes calling)

22. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it. (Tell us something we don’t know)

23. Not all guys are jackasses. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of them (No, only 97%. The other 3% represent the handicapped :P)

24. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible (He’s hoping you’ll take pity on him and that he’ll finally get laid)

25. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life (That would explain him burning everything you ever gave him and the “Die Bitch” sprawled across your driveway in red paint)

Everything said in this bulletin is TRUE (And I’m Sigourney Weaver on Steriods)

Friday, January 22, 2010


I’ve always wanted to go jet skiing, but never had the opportunity until we went to Saldanha Bay. I thought it could be my challenge for January and a great way to start off the New Year. I had to coax my sister to join me and after a 15 minute briefing in Afrikaans on what not to do, off we went.

I must admit that I was very confident and brave about it, until the instructor mentioned that we should be careful when we return because if we come in at too high a speed, we could crash into the “muur”. And then all of a sudden I was shit scared and wanted to turn back because I was like “We could crash into a wall? No one told me we could crash into a wall. I didn’t sign up to crash into walls”. I also seriously under-estimated the power of that little machine and that added to my fear.

But I went through with it, very trepidatiously at first. I went out to sea and about a kilometer later, I realised that I was too scared to turn, envisioning the jet ski tipping over with me on it or even worse, throwing me off. Then in a panic I slowed down to a stop and had a strange feeling…like I was sinking. Too afraid to see if I was actually sinking, I thought that maybe this is not the kind of machine that you can stop in the middle of the ocean and decided to keep on going.

I eventually managed to turn around and it was much easier than anticipated. Ten minutes later and I was practically a pro, racing on the water, hitting the odd wave, drenched with the taste of salt on my lips. I assessed my limitations, got used to the feel of jet ski and then really began enjoying myself. It was an exhilarating experience and something I will definitely do again. And the best part? I didn’t crash into any walls :)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

To Infidelity And Beyond

I was reading Hamish’s post on Cheaters and found it quite amusing. About 3 decades ago, cheating was largely reserved for men and regarded as a rite of passage to some…the old clichéd wife at home with the kids while the husband is out of town on ‘business’, with his trophy mistress. I find that these days, infidelity does not discriminate and both males and females have taken this country’s policy of equal opportunities to a whole new adulterous level. It has even surpassed the likes of Louis Vuitton and Prada to become this decade’s fashion ‘must’. It’s quite sickening really, to watch moral decay in real-time. I know at least 50 people in a 2km radius that have cheated on their significant others at some point in time. It’s sad that people don’t have any values anymore.

This is the part where I blame both men and women. I find that contemporary male cheaters tend to replace their wives with ex-porn stars or one of their daughter’s teenage friends. But it gets worse folks, because as we move into the 21st century, men have suddenly acquired a certain shallow and unrealistic penchant for all things supermodel. So the wife HAS to be an Alessandra Ambrosio or an Aishwarya Rai that cooks, any thing less is unacceptable. Sorry for all the Ellen Page’s and Vidya Balan’s of this world. And of course, anything that’s aesthetically pleasing to the eye always comes with a price and a very high price too. Money attracts beauty and beauty attracts money, it’s a symbiotic relationship giving birth to acquired status devoid of any real emotion.

Eventually the Alessandra gets bored because she only really married him for the money, is uneducated and can’t relate to his friends. Add to that her lack of basic skills, other than pouting for the cameras and shopping, and before you know it she develops a very keen interest in the garden gnome that comes around once a week or one of the husband’s friends who always compliments her on her ability to find the best caterers for their little soirees. Less extreme cases always involve an abusive husband of some kind. He’s either physically, verbally or emotionally abusive, inattentive or emotionally unavailable and she’s too willing to run into the arms of another trying to fill adolescent voids with Mills and Boons’ fantasies because her father never loved her.

For me, the most amusing cases are the quiet ones. She’s the girl in the headscarf at Varsity that refuses to sit near the boys during classes while she gossips and looks down upon other non-hijaabi-fied girls with two of her closest friends. Come full moon and she pulls a Vanessa Hudgens by smsing stark naked pictures of her merchandise to one of those boys accompanied with pornographic text (true story). He’s the guy that sits in the corner texting furiously on Mxit. He hangs out with a raucous group of guys and hides behind them when they chat to girls because he’s shy and slightly insecure. He’s the Lance Bass of the group and hardly gets any attention from anyone, let alone females. Most people think that the loud and obnoxious one who enjoys whistling at passing women and humping trees is the man-whore of the group, but they’re often wrong. It’s always the quiet, unassuming ones – the devil in sheep’s clothing. Then one day this non-gay Lance gets married, Dr. Jekyll becomes Mr. Hyde and his new status gives him ‘dom krag’ – a false sense of confidence – and it’s not long before he’s chatting to anything with a Vajayjay and inviting them out on long non-scenic drives.

The worst of the male and female lot has to be those spouses that have it ALL and still cheat. They’ve got nothing to complain about, no plausible excuses. Their partners are close to perfect but they soon tire of the monotony of serenity because they are drama whores with more than just a flair for theatrics. They’re like crack addicts and get their adrenal fixes from their fear of getting caught. It’s all a big poker game until they raise the stakes, come up short and have to face the ramifications of gambling with their families lives. And sadly as everyone knows, the House always wins and they eventually walk away with nothing. A few of the lucky ones will get a second chance attached to distrust and trepidation, but it’s never the same again.

What I found particularly intriguing in Hamish’s post was his preferred course of action – the ‘What Would Hamish Do’ (WWHD) – if he caught his future wife cheating on him, documented impeccably, mostly in legal terms. In terms of legality, and if I were in Hamish’s place or any other male for that matter, this is what I’d do (inspired by a true story).

The first thing I’d do is tap all the telephones she uses and record every conversation…it’s relatively easy and inexpensive. Thereafter, I’d sell most of my assets, which include any businesses and property and pay off any large debts incurred over time. The ownership of any asset I choose to keep, including my house and car, will be transferred onto a relatives name…parents or siblings. Then I’d officially declare bankruptcy, so that she’s more than welcome to have half of nothing. I’d eventually find a sleazy phone sex conversation (or something similar) recorded from the tapped line and make several copies of it, as well as transcripts. I’d then send a copy to court, and another to the Muslim Judicial Council for review so that any false claims she may be tempted to cite will be dismissed under the weight of the evidence. For added kicks, I’d find a radio station willing to air the conversation – preferably the most popular Islamic radio station in the country. Any and all children from the marriage will be sent for paternity tests.

From a female perspective, if my husband ever DARED to cheat on me I’d employ similar tactics, as well as other not-so-lawful activities. But I’ve mentioned that before ;)

Monday, January 18, 2010

West Coast Highlights

I would have found it difficult to believe that half of the world goes through December in the throes of winter, had I not experienced it myself. A scorching Christmas Day at the beach is a foreign concept when you’re alone with a 750g jar of Nutella (because Nutella UK knows what a woman wants & that 400g just won’t do), stuck indoors watching cheesy Christmas specials on TV with the wind howling eerily outside your window. The Lord knows that not only have I been there and done that, but I got the t-shirt, wrote the script, made the movie, recorded the soundtrack, previewed screenings on IMAX – in 3D, released the DVD, got ordained by the Queen and planted the flag on the fucking moon too.

So I’m officially NOT on holiday which sucks big time. I’m at my best when I’m traipsing and frolicking and my brain usually operates at its full capacity, sometimes even surprising me. It’s when I’m not on holiday that I come crashing back to reality and the medulla oblongata threatens brain-wide strike action unless there’s a 20% rise in serotonin levels. I always go through a mild depression after a holiday. See, I was not meant to work or even live in reality for that matter.

Anyways, onto happier thoughts and reminiscings. We’ve been practically everywhere in South Africa (most places more than once), but we hadn’t had the opportunity to travel up the West Coast until recently. A lot of people don’t know that I lived in Cape Town for about a year - back in the day, even went to school over there (absolutely hated it at the time…CT for me was a fantastic place to holiday in, not so fantastic to live [as a kid] but that’s a whole other story for another sad day).

My parents have ALOT of friends in the Mother City and I’m not only talking individual friends alone, but their entire families too (brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc etc). And they all go waaay back, like 30-odd years. These people became our family during our residency over there and over the subsequent years, their children became the Capetonian cousins we never had. So when I talk about my ‘family’ in CT, they’re not actually my family – but they are…blah blah, you get the point.

As you can imagine, every trip to Cape Town involves a lot of visiting and catching up and laughter and the odd “Haai-julle’s-groot”…because it’s unfathomable that children grow over time…but over-all, it was a great trip. In the midst of all the "yeah-I'm-doing-my-MBA-no-she's-doing-her-Masters-London-was-great-no-I'm-not-moving-back-there-yes-my-hair-is-very-long-no-I-don't-have-a-boyfriend-and-I'm-not-bothered's", we got to drive up the West Coast on a mini road trip, just like I always wanted to. Here are some of the highlights of my trip (only some because I took over 1000 photos):

Upon arriving in Cape Town, one of my ‘uncles’ introduced us to his baby. This pimped out ride took us around CT in vintage style and garnered a lot of attention from admirers. I felt like I was in one of Snoop Dogg’s videos. For added entertainment, the V8 engine set off every alarm of all the surrounding cars as we drove by:
The view of Hout Bay from a scenic mountain drive. There are many picnic spots dotted along the route and the drive is nothing short of spectacular, the stuff beauty is made of:
The Lighthouse at Kommetjie...more beauty and splendor:
Ok, so we decided to skip Cape Point and drove further along to Castle Rock. This view blew us away and at first, it seemed like a great idea to climb down the freaking mountain to get up close and personal with the idyllic private beach. Needless to say, climbing back up the damn mountain was a fucking Indiana Jones mission and a half:
But in retrospect, it was so worth it. The best things in life are indeed free...or on loan since this is a private beach and we were only allowed there through the grace (and generosity of spirit) of the residents. Interestingly enough there are no roads leading here, the only way up or down the mountain is on foot. Words can't describe the elation:
The night market in Cape Town's city centre. We had a good laugh putting on our fake British accents and watched with glee as many patrons nudged each other eyes wide, pointing in our direction like we were part of the circus or something. It doesn't occur to most that brown people may have other accents, apart from the standard Southern African variation:
Table Mountain from The V&A Waterfront. Can't get tired of looking at this:
Waving goodbye to Cape Town City as we headed further up north, the West Coast:
The West Coast National Park has some stunning views of the Langebaan Lagoon. This is a slice of paradise, one of South Africa's best kept secrets:
One of the beaches on the Lagoon. There is literally a strip of land that seperates this lagoon with the Atlantic ocean:
And of course, before I could even take off my shoes I was in the water. It was divine. Unfortunately, my cellphone thought so too, I'd forgotten that I had it on me. But even that little misfortune didn't ruin it for me:
We went for a cruise on the Lagoon on this Catamaran. Yeah, I re-iterate, I need a yacht. Or a catamaran...as long as it has a room, I'm not fussy:
Our next stop was Saldanha Bay, which was to become our base after Langebaan, and this is the view from our hotel room. The room was situated on the ground floor and had a balcony that opened up to grounds, a few meters away from the ocean:
During the days we drove even further up north, to small quaint towns like this one called Paternoster. These places are intriguing because they're quiet and reflective. I suppose this is where the locals come to hide away from the hoardes that descend on Cape Town every December:
We were blessed with a full moon almost every night we were there. It was breath-taking...
Just a few moments in the life and times of moi ;)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Lessons On Love & Other Delusions

On the subject of delusions. I was chatting to my sisters the other day, random stuff y’know…movies, Umrah, pilates, Imperialism, boobs, Greece, social and cognitive constructs, shoes…the usual. Topic of conversation turned to relationships and secrets. It just so happened that recently my sister caught the husband of one of her closest friends in the arms of another lady. She agonised over it for days, vacillating between revealing the truth to her friend and keeping her mouth shut and when she eventually did tell her friend…well lets just say that sadly, they’re not friends anymore.

My sister told me that after her experience with her now ex-friend, she wouldn’t dare put herself in that position again, and that if she could do it over again she would rather approach him and tell him to tell his wife before she does. At this juncture, I told both my sisters that if they knew that my future husband was messing around, they should tell me regardless of their reservations. They both objected and I said: “Listen, if I had to find out ANYTHING that either of you should know, whether it be about your future husbands or kids, whatever – I’m going to call you up and say Your husband is fucking around, deal with it or I will’ – full stop. I’m not interested in any long stories and I expect the same courtesy from both of you”.

How embarrassing it must be, for the woman who is the last to find out about something like that. Imagine, the whole world knows…and the one person who should and has the right to know, doesn’t, because everyone else wants to save face and are cowards. How humiliating. If I had to find out about something of that nature, and then find out that my friends and relatives knew about it? Think Apocalyptic proportions. Hell hath no fury…for real. The devil himself will run and hide. The wounds would cut deep…so deep that they would be irreparable and would leave bleeding scars and blisters oozing treachery and deceit, because the fact that they knew and said nothing makes them accomplices…guilty of aiding and abetting. And I’m not one of those women that will let my pride rule my fragile ego - don’t shoot the messenger because you’ve been betrayed and feel like a dumbass for loving and trusting an asshole that can’t get past his own insecurities and inadequacies.

On the subject of love and more delusions. One of my friends recently got divorced after almost a decade of happily never after. I was floored when she told me because if there was ANYONE that I would have put my money on as a couple, it was them. They epitomized perfection on a Brad and Jennifer scale with no Angelina in sight to ruin it. I expected to be invited to a 50th anniversary soiree sometime in 2050-something, but alas it was not meant to be. Instead, we have a lot of he-said-she-saids.

My father always says that there are three sides to a story…in this case, his, hers and the truth. She says he puts everyone else’s needs before her own, he’s unsupportive and that she’s had enough of it. He says that she’s too demanding, stubborn and wants everything done her way. In any story, when you listen close enough and read between the lies or lines you’ll always find the truth, especially if you know them the way I do. They were both wrong, and they’re both right.

Knowing him, he probably paid a lot of attention to his family because he’s the only son, his father passed away when he was little and he feels responsible for them. She probably felt neglected and began to resent the fact that she always felt like she had to “share” him (which is what will happen when you grow up in a home where your parents indulge your every whim and you’re used to always getting what you want when you want it). He wanted her to be more accommodating to his lifestyle and accepting of his position in the family. She compromised at first, putting their needs before her own. After some time her patience wore thin and she retaliated by being spiteful and selfish. He tried to control her. She rebelled…

I can see the entire story unfold like a movie, both of them the lead actors. According to her, he’s at fault and according to him, she started it. Neither take responsibility and ownership of their part, their roles in the deterioration of their marriage because that requires a degree of honesty about their own shortcomings, their own faults…and of course, no one is going to say “I should have been more patient” or “I should have paid more attention”. They’re only too ready to place the blame squarely on the other’s shoulders so they lie to themselves, convince themselves that they were in the right.

The problem with most people today is not only do they think they know everything, but they think they’re right too. The reality of the situation is that until they can be honest with themselves and the world, and take ownership for the part they played in the destruction of their marriage, they will never learn the lesson. And when you don’t learn the lesson the first time around, life and history has a way of repeating itself until you do.

The one thing I always keep in mind when I dance with adversity or watch as others attempt to sway with two left feet, is to learn the lesson. To me, life is a constant stream of lessons and we either choose to learn the easy way or the hard way. I may bide my time here as a suppository for my thoughts but I don’t come here to feed gossipmongers. I don't judge these people even when I hate what they do, I try to understand them and learn from their mistakes. I come here to pass on the knowledge, the lessons.

Learn the lessons kids. These are the easy lessons, the ones we learn from each other. The hard ones are those you have to learn and experience yourself, so that you too can impart your knowledge and wisdom to others. And such is life. We have and make choices and our choices determine favourable or disastrous outcomes (and everything in between), and we have to take responsibility for that. Take responsibility and ownership of your life, your decisions, your actions…and the consequences that follow because at the end of the day, YOU will be held accountable, no one else.

Monday, January 11, 2010

We See What We Want To See

Oi, for a moment there I thought there was something wrong with me because it seems like every person I come into contact with is either seriously delusional or living in an alternate dimension that I don’t know about. Or maybe it’s me, maybe I’m the one who’s two grapes short of a fruit salad. Now I know some of you will vaguely remember Farhana and her special kind of asshole, Junaid The Liar. Let me update and elaborate on this little tale of deceit.

Junaid The Liar and Farhana were what you’d call ‘an item’ for a grand total of 3 years and some odd months. From the very beginning, they seemed to be perfect for each other…they looked good together, were from the same culture & religion, had the same priorities etc. etc. Farhana liked him because he ticked every box on her list of what she wanted in a man and slowly grew to love what he represented. Junaid liked the fact that Farhana was independent and somewhat domineering because it meant that his indecisive-chicken-shit-ass didn’t have to step up to the plate and be the man in the relationship or make any decisions that required a degree of responsibility. His parents loved her and being an only child, that was an added bonus.

After the first year together, Farhana and Junaid became a permanent fixture in each others homes and were well acquainted with each other’s families (and extended families) as well. It seemed like marriage would be inevitable. At first, it was funny¹ as they laughed and planned every detail of their lives together from the wedding colours to the names of their children for months…then it was funny².
(Pulling an Irfaan here: ¹ as in funny-haha; ² as in funny-weird)

Year one became year two when Farhana found out about the lies. It seemed like Junaid was taking lessons from Riaz – The Whore/Player and x-rated mxit chats became his game. Add to that, his burgeoning career as a pimp on facebook. Naturally, Farhana was livid and confronted him about his extracurricular activities. He apologized profusely saying it “wasn’t him” and that those girls initiated contact blah blah bloody-blah…

That one time eventually became many times over the course of the next year and every time he’d cry like the spineless bitch that he was and Farhana would forgive him and take him back. The question of marriage loomed ever more as they entered their third year together and suddenly, Junaid was more than a little queasy every time someone broached the subject. See, it was time to step up and his pansy ass couldn’t do it because he was having too much fun playing the Best Friend just like Danyaal.

Things reached a crescendo when Farhana’s parents called a meeting with him and his parents, keen to know his intentions. Two hours, four cups of tea and a million excuses later, he said that he wanted to get married but just not yet. When asked if they could get engaged at the very least, so that some form of Islamic decorum could be maintained, he declined. To add insult to injury, his mother added that she cared for Farhana like a daughter, but felt that her son was too young to get hitched.

And so, after 3 years and some odd months, what once appeared to be the flower of perfection withered and died in the frost of deceit and betrayal. It was officially over for Farhana and Junaid and she was devastated. He recovered quite nicely by going out with Priyanka a week later. They remained friends at first, with Farhana secretly hoping that he’d change his mind and sweep her off her feet, riding off into the sunset and the beginning of their happily ever after. But eventually, she began to uncover other secrets he had kept hidden in their time together and as the truth about who he really was became apparent, it was too much to bear and she severed all ties with him.

But it didn’t end there. After a few weeks, she received a phone call from her ex-future-mother-in-law who called to say that they missed her and that she should visit them (At this point I was like WTF?). Even more surprising was that Farhana decided to be a masochist and entertained their request by visiting them a few days later. Soon, the phone calls became more frequent…sometimes from Junaid (while he was still seeing Priyanka) and sometimes from his mother… and in her little heart of hearts, Farhana thought that there was still hope…that maybe, just maybe the remnants of their shattered past together could be saved and restored to it’s former glory.

But, as the British say, nothing doing. It’s been a year since they broke up and a couple of weeks ago when she went to visit, Junaid ignored her while his parents pretended they were friends. I was with Farhana when she received a phone call from the ex-monster-in-law. Her sugar sweet conversation with this woman left me nauseated. When she got off the phone, I asked her why she still entertained these phone calls and requests to visit, when clearly Junaid had moved on with Priyanka and seeing as this was the same woman who didn’t want her son to get married to Farhana in the first place. Farhana said she was just being ‘respectful’…and that it would have been easier to ignore this woman if she wasn’t so ‘nice’.

At this point, I couldn’t take it anymore. Not known for my tact, I told her that this woman was NOTnice’, because a ‘nice’ person would have told her son to commit if he really liked Farhana and not mess her around for over 3 years. This woman was not ‘nice’ because she flat out stated that she didn’t think that Farhana was worthy of her precious son. And to top it off, she continually disrespects Farhana by calling her like some fucking stalker AFTER the whole debacle – after telling her son not to marry her.

Worse of all is that Farhana thinks that she is genuinely concerned and looks like the asshole every time she goes around to their place, pretending that everything is great. On the subject of Junaid…he is never going to change. A man who can lie about the colour of his shirt and not even know he’s doing it is clearly a lost cause. Not even mentioning that he cheated not once, but many times and will in all likelihood remain a cheater – now who wants to be married to a piece of shit like that. He calls her sometimes, and then joins the "We-broke-up!-You're-my-ex!-Stay-out-of-my-life" group on facebook with public notifications so that the world knows how he feels. And this eternal hope that Farhana carries around that he’ll change his mind is ludicrous. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away…and if he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Farhana wasn’t too happy with me when I voiced my opinions. The truth hurts. I don’t care, I’d rather have her hate me now then sit by and watch as she continually makes an ass of herself with her grandiose delusions that it will all work out eventually. And if I was going to act like a Doos, I’d expect one of my friends to slap the shit out of me and not leave me to humiliate myself on a loop like a record stuck on re-play. I don’t expect Farhana to be nasty, she’s not that type, but I don’t expect her to continue in this sick twisted tale either…being the puppet to their strings…the dog that comes running every time they snap their fingers if and when they feel like it. Are people really that desperate?!?! No self-respecting woman will allow anyone to treat her like that.

The way I see it, Junaid never had any intentions of marrying Farhana. For him the relationship was convenient because he got along well with her family, his parents liked her, she is successful in her career etc. She had all the ingredients of what he should want in a girl. But Junaid liked to walk on the wild side too, and nobody counted on that.

So maybe I am the crazy and unreasonable one…maybe what Farhana is doing is the right course of action, after all her father encourages it. But I cannot make sense of it. All I do know is if that was me, I would have told that woman to fuck off a long time ago…because anyone who can’t respect me and my needs doesn’t deserve my respect in return. I would have told her and her waste-of-skin-of-a-son that if they didn’t leave me alone, I was going to burn down their fucking house with a truckload of kerosene and them inside. It’s called self-preservation and if you don’t take care of yourself, who do you think is going to.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Hello 2010

So I’ve been mulling about, still on holiday and in a semi-comatose state, just how I like it. A part of me never wants this to end and another part is yearning for some colossal positive changes in my life. 2009 is over – gone, and I don’t lament its absence. It’s been a shit year of note, for everyone (well most of us anyway) and very few people are sad to see the tail end. I’ve decided that I’m not making any resolutions for 2010. Instead, I’m just going to live unapologetically with reckless abandonment (in the confines of Halaal-ness) and to give life my best shot…110% in whatever I spontaneously decide to do. I’m looking for something a little out of the box, extraordinary. Different. More than ever, I still stand by my mantra LIVE and will just take that to the next level. But I’ll get into all that another time. For now, I’ve got this tag-thing that I took from Waseem’s page, who got it from Nafisa

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
A shit load, do you want a list?

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Fuck resolutions. They’re just instruments used to measure your colossal failures thereby cementing and solidifying your place in Loser-ville for the other 364 days of the year.

3. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
Well, I went to a Wedding. A bring-and-braai Wedding, the best and cheapest kind.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yeah, lots of people. More importantly, Michael Jackson is gone :(

5. What countries did you visit?
Went to the Portuguese Islands, Inhaca Island off the coast of Mozambique. As well as England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Stability of sorts.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 18th. The day the South African Revenue Service realised that they owed me 7 years of tax rebates amounting to thousands.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Winning that fucking tedious and distressing lawsuit and getting a nice settlement in the process.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don’t fail. I just re-evaluate.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Those tickets for the cruise.

12. Where did most of your money go?

13. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Meet me Halfway – Black Eyed Peas.

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Literary reading.

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?

16. What was your favourite TV program?
Prison Break.

17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t care enough to hate.

18. What was the best book you read?
Road to Makkah – M. Asad (I’m not done though).

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Let me sign – Robert Pattinson & Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

20. What was your favourite film of this year?
Toss between The Proposal and The Hangover.

21. What did you do on your birthday?
Geez, I can’t remember now.

22. What kept you sane?

23. Who did you miss?
A few friends.

24. Who was the best new person you met?
No one stands out. I’ve been preoccupied.

25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Faith is a gift that has to be cherished and nurtured. It can be easily lost or broken if neglected.