Monday, March 8, 2010

It's NOT Love If...

I posted something similar to this last year sometime. The difference is that while that post was taken from an email I wanted to share, this one is based on real-life scenarios I’ve either seen on TV, witnessed from friends or experienced myself:

It’s NOT love if… you spend every single waking moment wondering what he’s doing.
It’s probably… voyeuristic cravings brought on from seriously neglecting those precious hours allocated to stalking people on Facebook.

It’s NOT love if… you’re picking out the wedding colours, booking the hotel for your honeymoon and naming your 3 children together, 2 minutes after meeting him for the first time.
It’s probably… a cocktail of raging hormones, delusions and desperation.

It’s NOT love if… you want to cut him up and eat him so that he’ll be with you forever.
It’s probably… Cannibalism or Pica, an appetite for all types of weird shit.

It’s NOT love if… you call him pretending to be an employee from Standard Bank, offering him a credit card just so that you can hear his voice.
It’s probably... chronic social issues and more desperation.

It’s NOT love if… the mere mention of his name makes you want to rip off his clothes and pole dance in his underwear.
It’s probably… too much testosterone produced and secreted by your adrenal cortex.

It’s NOT love if… your entire world revolves around his existence.
It’s probably… the fact that you have no life, no hobbies, low self-esteem and a poor self-image.

It’s NOT love if… you find yourself eating all the crap from his plate just because he touched it.
It’s probably… uitgevreedheid (greediness) because you’re a pig swimming on the gluttonous side of life.

It’s NOT love if… you try to be-friend his mother in the hopes of getting closer to him.
It’s probably… an indication that you’re in the early stages of Psychopathy.

It’s NOT love if… you tell him that you can’t imagine a life without him, preferring death over such a fate.
It’s probably… Münchausen Syndrome, playing the victim in a desperate attempt to garner sympathy and attention.

It’s NOT love if… you want to lick his skin because it looks delicious.
It’s probably… malnutrition or a lack of calcium in your diet.

It’s NOT love if… you interrogate every single person in a 5 mile radius of his home, wanting to know every single detail of his life.
It’s probably… unresolved issues of repression and passive aggression, most likely resulting in some kind of physical, emotional and psychological harassment lawsuit.

It’s NOT love if… you have weird sensations in your abdominal area, akin to butterflies flying rampantly.
It’s probably… indigestion, nothing a little Gaviscon can’t fix.

It’s NOT love if… you stutter and confuse your words and sentences, saying one thing and meaning another, while trying to talk to him.
It’s probably… undiagnosed Dyslexia and some or other speech impediment.

It’s NOT love if… you interpret every word that comes out of his mouth to mean “I love you”.
It’s probably… a mild form of mental retardation.

It’s NOT love if… you give him your last Rolo.
It’s probably… Histrionic personality disorder characterised by a pattern of attention-seeking behavior, including an excessive need for approval and appreciation, persistent manipulation as well as inappropriate sexual provocation and seductiveness.

12 comments:

  1. Incidentally, how many of these 'signs' (minus your interpretations of their causes) apply to you? :)

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  2. Hahahaha! Well, 4 to be exact. Thats why I can say these things, because I know first hand LOL!

    The first one about not paying enough attention to Facebook stalking is me, as well as the licking and lack of calcium, the butterflies and the stuttering :D

    The others are from girls I know. And 1 or 2 from tv ;)

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  3. just wow....was this from an email or your thoughts?!

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  4. Prixie - These here are just my thoughts...

    But I did a post similar to this one in January 2009, that one was from an email ;)

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  5. How about a post that tell's us when it is love :P

    Funny post, I'm trying to think of some, I can think of one but it might sound a bit harsh, anyway ...

    It's not love if you buy her expensive gifts to buy her affection. - It's just some kind of high class prostitution.

    It's not love if you tell her you love her but you later think of cheating on her. - Love should be giving everything of yourself if you have something left over to give something else then it's not love.

    It's not love if he doesn't acknowledge you when he is with friends (unless this was her condition) - there is no way you could love her if you are embarrassed of her, and if it was her condition she probably doesn't love you.

    If i think of any more I will add them.

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  6. well done then! very true and very creative.

    it really speaks to me as I am going through a lot of relationship issues at the moment and there comes a point when you realise, it is just not worth it.

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  7. Waseem - I believe it's love when you want whats best for the person and it has nothing to do with you or your needs and wants.

    For eg. Love is knowing when something is good for your beloved even though it doesn't include you and you're willing to step aside no matter how much it hurts you, so that he/she can live to their full potential and achieve/attain what is best for them - without standing in their way and using their feelings for you as a hostage to manipulate them into doing what You want them to do (for your own selfish reasons)... does that make sense?

    Real love is SELF-LESS. It has nothing to do with you and how you feel when it comes to the other person. It's an unconditional giving of the soul, and wanting nothing in return.

    Prixie - Thanx ;) Whatever you're going through, I hope you come out the otherside and that whatever happens is the best for you :)

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  8. this is a game i mentally play... it's not love to explain away all that confusing emotions and response to situations that are beyond my control( you know when you start imagining him ahem)

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  9. fathima - LOL LOL! Yeah I know ;)

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  10. It's not love if she wants to be your momma (or if you want her to be just that).
    - Do you know the type?

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  11. RCB - LOL! I agree. Seeking parental figures or substitutes don't equate to love :)

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