I posted something similar to this last year sometime. The difference is that while that post was taken from an email I wanted to share, this one is based on real-life scenarios I’ve either seen on TV, witnessed from friends or experienced myself:
It’s NOT love if… you spend every single waking moment wondering what he’s doing.
It’s probably… voyeuristic cravings brought on from seriously neglecting those precious hours allocated to stalking people on Facebook.
It’s NOT love if… you’re picking out the wedding colours, booking the hotel for your honeymoon and naming your 3 children together, 2 minutes after meeting him for the first time.
It’s probably… a cocktail of raging hormones, delusions and desperation.
It’s NOT love if… you want to cut him up and eat him so that he’ll be with you forever.
It’s probably… Cannibalism or Pica, an appetite for all types of weird shit.
It’s NOT love if… you call him pretending to be an employee from Standard Bank, offering him a credit card just so that you can hear his voice.
It’s probably... chronic social issues and more desperation.
It’s NOT love if… the mere mention of his name makes you want to rip off his clothes and pole dance in his underwear.
It’s probably… too much testosterone produced and secreted by your adrenal cortex.
It’s NOT love if… your entire world revolves around his existence.
It’s probably… the fact that you have no life, no hobbies, low self-esteem and a poor self-image.
It’s NOT love if… you find yourself eating all the crap from his plate just because he touched it.
It’s probably… uitgevreedheid (greediness) because you’re a pig swimming on the gluttonous side of life.
It’s NOT love if… you try to be-friend his mother in the hopes of getting closer to him.
It’s probably… an indication that you’re in the early stages of Psychopathy.
It’s NOT love if… you tell him that you can’t imagine a life without him, preferring death over such a fate.
It’s probably… Münchausen Syndrome, playing the victim in a desperate attempt to garner sympathy and attention.
It’s NOT love if… you want to lick his skin because it looks delicious.
It’s probably… malnutrition or a lack of calcium in your diet.
It’s NOT love if… you interrogate every single person in a 5 mile radius of his home, wanting to know every single detail of his life.
It’s probably… unresolved issues of repression and passive aggression, most likely resulting in some kind of physical, emotional and psychological harassment lawsuit.
It’s NOT love if… you have weird sensations in your abdominal area, akin to butterflies flying rampantly.
It’s probably… indigestion, nothing a little Gaviscon can’t fix.
It’s NOT love if… you stutter and confuse your words and sentences, saying one thing and meaning another, while trying to talk to him.
It’s probably… undiagnosed Dyslexia and some or other speech impediment.
It’s NOT love if… you interpret every word that comes out of his mouth to mean “I love you”.
It’s probably… a mild form of mental retardation.
It’s NOT love if… you give him your last Rolo.
It’s probably… Histrionic personality disorder characterised by a pattern of attention-seeking behavior, including an excessive need for approval and appreciation, persistent manipulation as well as inappropriate sexual provocation and seductiveness.