Maybe it’s because I’m frustrated and I really need to get away, maybe it’s just the weather, but I feel anti-social which is unusual for me. But not anti-social in the typical sense, more physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I’m also feeling somewhat reckless and daring, a very dangerous mood to be in…like oh-my-fuck-did-I-really-just-walk-out-of-the-office-to-go-skydiving-even-though-I’m-shit-scared-of-heights kinda reckless. I therefore forfeit the responsibility of anything I might say or do from hereon and this post is rated PG21 Language/Peril/Violence/Blasphemy and is not suitable for sensitive readers.
Confession # 1: So it has dawned on me that if I wasn’t Muslim, I would SO be an alcoholic. I’m not even joking, 100% true. I’d probably hit the bottle when I wake up. A good shot or two of Uncle Jack in the early morning followed by some Irish coffee with those chocolate liquors for breakfast. Then maybe some Archers Aqua mid-morning, Sauvignon Blanc with lunch and Mojitos as an afternoon snack. The evenings will vary between Cosmopolitans, Vodka or Tequila straight up…depending on how the day went. Well, I guess I should be grateful that I’m Muslim and will never even look at a drink, much less consider actually drinking it. But sometimes I do wish for an easy escape.
Confession # 2: Wentworth Miller has some serious competition with the emergence of Eric Dane aka Dr. Mark “McSteamy” Sloan in my life. How can I be expected to choose? Problem with Eric though, is that he’s married and I’m allergic to married men, unless they’re betrothed to me. So that’s minus 10 points for him.
But seriously, I can appreciate a beautiful man. My eyes love them. What about that Jesse Metcalfe…he’s not too bad either. But I must admit, a guy does NOT have to be pretty to tickle my fancy…like I said previously, I love spunk and fiesty. I’m a sucker for such things and I think nothing of staring and lusting after what can never be. Maybe that explains my fascination with Dane Cook. Honestly, there are worse things in life that I could be doing so for me, there’s no harm in looking at the menu without ordering…and as long as I don’t ever see Wentworth in real life, Mother has no worries of adultery or illegitimate children running around the house. I know I know I know, I’m going to hell.
Confession # 3: I don’t like beards. I don’t mind some stubble on a man’s face, but I’m talking about those men who compete with Gandalf. Now I know its part of our religious customs and it’s a great Sunnah and was recommended by the Prophet (pbuh) himself – he did not make it explicitly Fardh (compulsory), it is a RECOMMENDATION…but I still don’t like it. I don’t find it attractive at all and if my future husband wants to propose, he’s gonna have to shave first, or else I can elect not to shave for our wedding night six months in advance and see how he likes that. I’ve even heard people say that its Haraam (forbidden) not to grow the beard (ironic because I’ve only heard it become Haraam in the last few years, not before that…another example of an ever changing religion with a million interpretations and everyone making their own rules and complying in accordance to what suits them). How about those men who save morsels of last weeks chicken curry and rice in their beards, a safe house for their midnight snacks…Lord only knows what else you will find in there. Or those men who are completely bald and have chosen to overcompensate for it on their faces? I particularly despise those sanctimonious beards who think that they are beyond condemnation and love to judge the rest of us, not realizing that only God Himself shall judge and that any judgment in itself is a sin.
Confession # 4: Talking about men and their attire…I think that men who roll up their pants or trousers above their ankles look like morons. Now I’ve begun to understand that a lot of the rules and regulations in Islam are based on ancient Arab customs, traditions and culture. Hence many laws were passed to govern the people of that time. So when someone tells me that the reason that men are compelled to wear their pants above their ankles is to show humility and not display arrogance, I have to say that in this day and age, that’s bull. Especially since I happen to know a particular arrogant bastard who has a penchant for those above-the-ankle-type pants/shorts (Bermuda shorts as some call it), always rolls up his regular length trousers or pants and he still thinks he’s the shit…so where’s the humility?? But, I won’t argue with the ruling, if it comes from my Creator, I shall obey.
In light of the last 2 confessions, I think it’s important to mention the following as additional info:
My paternal grandfather was a very religious man. In fact, most people I encounter tell me he was a saint of sorts, although I wouldn’t know because he passed away before I was born. He was born on the border of Pakistan/Afghanistan near the Kashmir region and grew up as an orphan in a mosque where he excelled in Islamic studies. In his 30’s he came to South Africa and married my grandma. He was a leader in the community, a Moulana and an Imam of the mosque and was highly respected amongst everyone for his character, values and modesty. He passed away in Sujud/Sajdah (Prostration), while leading the Jummah congregation (Friday prayers) in the mosque. Now I’m no expert, but a lot of people tell me that that is the time when one is closest to The Almighty and that it is an honourable death.
Here’s the thing…my Grandpa allowed my Grandma and his children, including my Dad, to listen to the radio…and I’m not talking Islamic talk or nasheeds, in those days all they played was Elvis and The Rolling Stones amongst others. My Grandpa also never wore his trousers above his ankles. He believed that life was about moderation, and respected the laws of the country he chose to adopt. He was a simple man, wore a suit often, kept his beard neatly trimmed, spent his life helping others and not judging them and not amalgamating politics or culture in religion. He never flouted Gods Laws for his own agenda, even when he was in a position to do so and he never aligned himself to any particular sect or affiliation. He stayed away from being labeled. He was a man for the people…not only the Tabligi’s or only the Salafees or just the Shiate’s. My reasoning is, if what he did (i.e. allow music in his home and not wearing his trousers above his ankles etc.) was SO wrong, surely he would not have been bestowed with an honourable death and the decades of respect that his legacy has left behind. We can only ever try to be perfect but perfection will elude us because it was only reserved for The Almighty's messenger. So instead of nit-picking on stupid issues like if you left your house using your right foot this morning...look at the bigger picture called life. Instead of pointing fingers and following rules that were made gospel by misinterpretation, look at your own life and find ways to enhance it through different forms of education. So many people are educated, but they're still stupid. They're closed minded and indoctrinated by so-called leaders...often forgetting that they are just human too, and people are bound to make mistakes. But thats a whole other blog on its own...
Confession # 4: The situation in Gaza depresses and drains the shit out of me emotionally, that’s why I’ve got nothing to say on the matter. There’s nothing I can say that hasn’t been said already. Is it horrible, atrocious, unjustified, unwarranted, vile, terrible, a travesty, appalling, dreadful, vicious, and horrendous? OF COURSE it is. Are those Zionists that are violating basic human rights cruel, malicious, evil, wicked and animals? OF COURSE they are. Therefore, I won’t even comment on the situation. Instead, I stand in silent protestation with the knowledge that there is a bigger picture here; that beyond all these atrocities there is a higher power at work; that scriptures and prophecies have foretold of such events and that to a large extent it is beyond my control. The oppressor shall be oppressed…eventually. Our Creator does not sleep and there is a reason for everything. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stand up against it. It’s just recognising that beyond condemning such acts, all we can really do is to have faith and pray.
Confession # 5: I honestly don’t believe that I deserve to go to Jannah (Heaven)…not without being punished first. It’s NOT that I don’t want to go to Heaven, of course I do. I just don’t believe that I should be allowed to because I don’t deserve it…and of course I’m sure if I see the place I’d be singing a different tune. But seriously, I should burn in Hell, searing flesh absorbed in the kind of soul-wrenching pain that’s unfathomable to my feeble mind, that’s what I have to go through. I need to cleanse my soul. Maybe after my soul is punished for a few thousand years and I plead for redemption, I could go to Heaven…who knows.
Confession # 6: I’m not one of those chicks that “forgets” to eat. If it does ever happen, it’s under exceptional circumstances, like a mental or emotional breakdown or a very very hectic day at work, or a nuclear explosion. In fact, I plan what I’m going to eat for the day from the night before and in the case of holidays, planning occurs weeks and months in advance. I plan what I’ll have for breakfast – usually Oats; I’ll plan Lunch – usually tuna on Low GI seeded bread; and Supper – usually grilled or broiled vegetables with fish or chicken. I even plan snacks – usually mixed fruit, herbal tea, coffee, biltong, and assorted nuts…all the healthy stuff. Weekends are for junk food. I stray occasionally, when I’m slightly less obsessive-compulsive. And then there are days when Tweets will call me and ask if I want a Cinnabon. Initially my answer is "YES!!"...followed by a stringent "No, No, No, No, No, but thanks for asking".
Confession # 7: Beyonce Knowles is one of the most over-rated things to ever come out of the music/movie scene EVER!! She made like one tolerable song, everything else is absolute shite. I wish 5fm would stop assaulting my ears with her wanna-be-throw-back-to-the-60’s-icon-shit. Look, she’s got a pretty face and she can sing, but her daddy oops I meant management and producers are ruining it. She should take some pointers from Britney Spears. Now she’s got some great producers and is one good performer even though she’s a crazy bitch and a little bit of a whore. I don’t even mind that she lip syncs, I’d rather have her do that and get the dance moves right, then sing and dance half-heartedly while she breaths heavily into the mic. And with all that she still manages to pull it off, bar the horrendous MTV performance for “Gimme More” but I’ll put that down to her involuntary drug stint with her ex-manager Sam “Osama” Lutfi.
Confession # 8: I don’t know if I’m the only one who finds it hilarious that after all the crap the US has been through since 9/11…with hunting down terrorists and phantom weapons of mass destruction, stealing oil and disguising it as a war as well as blowing Afghanistan to smithereens with bullets that cost more than the houses the Afghans use to live in…that they would choose a black Muslim president. Now THAT is fucking funny, excuse my French. Someone was having a ball when plotting and scheming about this plan in the Oval office. Yeah yeah yeah we all know he’s not really Muslim, but with a middle name like Hussein come on, no one’s buying it. Besides, even if he was from the Taliban himself, it wouldn’t matter. People need to realise that the face that represents the White House in Washington is nothing but a pawn, a puppet governed by strings that come from above. He has no real say, because they tell him what he needs to say, believe and what actions to take. Even before his inauguration, people are waiting for Obama to do or say something against Israel’s brutal attack on Gaza…but alas…nothing. He is tight lipped. I can bet anyone that he does not approve of the invasion. But he can’t voice his disapproval because it goes against his pact with the devil…or the mysterious oracle disguised as a few white men/puppeteers that govern the policies and procedures in America, the same ones who ensured that he was elected to run and win in the first place.
Confession # 9: This is an old issue but I really hate those girls who prance around with their version of the hijab, you know the tight somewhat revealing clothes. Previously, those clothes were exemplified with the ever-tight blue jeans and the boob-enhancing baby-t’s, all justified with the scarf. These days there’s no discrimination because you can get equally tight-fitting Kurta’s and Abayas and even have them tailor-made to cling to your curves. The guys love them. Shiraz even told Tweety that he thinks those women are beautiful when she was interviewing him for her Honours thesis; while he stood with his gawking friends and stared down, lusted after and oogled all the pretty girls in their scarf’s. No guy even bothered to look at Tweets who was decked out in a plain old track-suit, hair tied back and no make-up. Makes one question the true definition of hijab…and what it has become in the modern age.
Confession # 10: I couldn’t believe it when Justin voiced his opinion on Muslim Indian guys and sex even though I knew it to be true. To hear him actually say it confirmed my beliefs on the subject. He said that most Muslim Indian guys behave like they’ve never ever seen women in their lives; like they were brought up amongst wolves in the jungle or something. They are so sleazy about it too and walk around wanting to hump anything that moves. Justin said that he hasn’t seen any male nation so obsessed with sex…they go on like they are going to die if they don’t get it and will either prey on young, naïve and slutty women, or pay prostitutes for the privilege. Then they get married, and pretend that they’re virgins...so innocent. Fucking disgusting pigs they are, and I’ve seen and heard examples of this behaviour in every Muslim Indian society in SA. I have to agree with Justin, I haven’t encountered any white or coloured male that performed the way some of these guys do. They are like those deprived, starved little kids you see in movies that don’t have a decent meal for like 10 years and then when a roast chicken is served at the table they attack it with both hands stuffing their faces like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe it’s the whole stigma surrounding sex...especially amongst the Muslims…like the fact that it’s forbidden before marriage makes them want it more. I wish people would just get over it already, like OH said, its not some kind of holy grail…it a natural part of life and maybe if people stop making it bigger than what it is, we won’t have so many male-whores and ho’s in our society.
Confession # 11: I can never look at Benjamin Bratt in the same way again. Not without seeing Isa’s face as I walked away from him four years ago, knowing that it was never going to work, that we had different priorities, and came from completely different backgrounds and continents...that we were just too different. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. And he looked just like Benjamin Bratt.
Confession # 12: One of the best times I’ve ever had came one unexpected night in August 2004 when I joined a couple of SA guys and girls for a night out at the Ministry of Sound in Elephant and Castle in the south of London. I’m not a chronic clubber by any means having been out a mere 6 times in my entire life. But that night at the Ministry of Sound was the best. Maybe it was the company, although any conversation was reduced to screaming matches to combat the 50 000 watts that resonated with every heartbeat. Walking out at 7am the next morning, we were all temporarily deaf, exhausted and broke from spending £5.00 for each Red Bull ordered. It was my night out at Equinox or Fabric…I can’t quite remember…that I decided that at 22, I was either too old to be out clubbing or that it wasn’t my thing because I dozed off, dreaming of work I kid you not, while sitting on one of the sofas and not even Robbie Williams’ attendance with Jay-Z and Beyonce could wake me up. I stumbled out of there around 1am and made my way home…and have never been to another club since.